On Wheel..!

A girl raped and impregnated at 15...the child given away to a brutish manufacturer..a run down third world factory..manufacturing SAFETY.

For that city girl with her mind at peace in a crowded bus..a pepper spray lodged between a compact and a lipstick in her handbag.

The wheel turns.

On beginnings and endings!

She stood in the doorway with a candle gleaming in each hand-the very epitome of hope

beckoning him to follow her into the dark deep abyss-without a fear,without a doubt

safe and sound encouraged by a touch of her hand and a sound of her voice.

The darkness around him shimmered up and burst into light - he had got his paradise in that pure white haven he thought he finally had peace laughing with the angel that brought him there-wiping his tears away

But the problem with time is it aways runs out - and it did leaving them both in darkness crying emerald tears while the irony filled laugh of the creator rang hard in their ears but still--he carried on cause "faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens"

But the creator would have naught of the faith- of his master plan breaking down by the sheer power of humanity - the power of pure love and thus came the rains - that pernicious torrent of water -Ushering in the horses of darkness - extinguishing those two precious candles- killing hope -and in that storm of darkness and chaos- he lost her never to find her again

Still he dreams cause dreams are immortal and though he lost the right to know from where she looks up at the moon on stormy nights he can still be found- with two broken candles alight on the ground remembering the days of that eternal light.

Till the rain comes down again and washes away everything...till he is left once again alone,afraid in the darkness with only his dreams.

"COLOUR MY LIFE WITH THE CHAOS OF TROUBLE"

On Fragrance

The rain was reduced to just a pitter-patter as she stepped out of her one-roomed apartment..the step that promised to leave behind all her sorrows and pains..that defied her broken past with a hope that she could smile again.The vow to forget the past twenty years.

He was already in the restaurant..and as she entered she got the tightest warmest hug ever..sweat and feeling all tumbled out in one emotion..love,affection,the suppressed longing..he was there in front of her in flesh and bones..her estranged brother back from the states to hold her once again.And then she breathed his fragrance..sweet misty Burberry

                                        the same she put on her mother's body                             

                                                                               twenty years ago                                   

                                                                                            after her death.

Nightmare!

-Memories-black out

-a bottle by the door

-long shadows-overcasting the mind

-smoky mist of marlboro and tears

-the clock's freezed...blindness

-tells me you're not here...

-I am in a room crowded with spirits

-nectar in one hand and poison in the other

-eyes shake up to close again

-Insanity..!!

-Rich reddish crimson

-decorating the walls

-Blood..

-a silent scream

-an anguish-uncared for..

-me trudging along the plain of vices

-sudden reach for the revolver

-the shaking hands..a restless mind

-a sudden urge...the shot

-"Loser"-painted on the walls in bright crimson

-the jolt back to reality

-Imprisonment..!!

-Night-Day-Night

-restless chastised soul...thrashing about

-until the soothing prick of the needle

-the novocaine enter my veins-Lights flash...fluorescent,dark black

-a withered angel wing brushes my consciousness

-devil and god embracing-pulling me in

-philandering dreams..lost in myself

-dreamy eyes..drinking in the pleasure

-the escape...the relief

-glimpse of you..floating in my mind

-your beautiful face..forever

-then comes cherished temporary death

-and the waking up to a new tainted day

-Nightmare..!!

Heartbroken Stranger? Welcome..!

Emptiness? Darkness?Nah! nothing can explain it...there are some things that are best unexplained.Do you still remember how your last girlfriend/boyfriend broke up? or when you friend said they don't want to be seen with you again? Obviously it was either through facebook,email or text right?Do you still cling on to them? beg them to come back? pray to god everyday to make things alright..Believe me it wont work..you will hurt yourself by clinging on...get ignored,get your heart killed some thousand times and yes god is deaf.

The pain with being dumped and pushed aside is something extravagantly uncomfortable.You don't want it yet deep inside you love it,you keep going back to the person begging for more,you torture yourself listening to sad songs and reminiscing old memories.WOAH!! you cry everyday for them?You're deceiving yourself..tears are just water..that too of no importance.Crying doesn't mean anything..rather moving on and forgetting in a jiffy does..walking away even if it kills you does.Hanging on makes nothing okay now...your fate and dreams will never collide.

When someone chips your heart(and I'm not talking only about love), the subsequent pain originates somewhere outside of reality. Like running through a dream world and all of a sudden you’re falling and then there’s ground. But you don’t wake up before impact like you’re supposed to, yet you don’t die in your bed either. You just lie there, somewhere between reality and dream, splattered all over the floor of that ravine, slowly trying to find the pieces and glue yourself back together.Because we all know what it is to fall right?We have been doing it ever since we were kids on the playground.No one called us failures for falling back then. They called us clumsy; going through a temporary stage to be grown out of with age. Clumsy kids. So cute.But now you are a loser even if someone else falls..You ARE not clumsy anymore..you are told you ACT clumsy.You are not cute anymore you suck.

So there you are at the end of the day...a teenager,lost in the delirium of life,unabashedly burnt out with a big, bloody, self-imposed hole through your skull.A hole just big enough to read the last break up text and to watch that kid you always despised in high school ride away in a green Porsche..your heart nailed to his German-engineered rear bumper.

Here's to a painful growing up.

Here's to us who love truly.

Here's to a painful growing up.

Here's to the person who is not the one in your dreams but is better than that.

Here's to the few who sweared they'll never go anywhere.

If it wasn't for you I'd be nothing,

Where are you now?

Freedom! (On female-infanticide)

Yes!Finally God thought i was ready for the world..and the precious gift of life was bestowed upon me.I came to reside in my mother's womb the most protected place on earth to me at present.I was to young to decipher the complex human lingo but even my immature brain could make out the joy and hope that hung about in the air that day...it was and affluent Indian orthodox family and already three girls being born everyone wanted a son to carry on the the respected name.,I really hoped i could live up to their expectation.

I visited the doctor for the second time today.he ran some tests and joy oh joy!! i am a girl,the very person on with humankind rests upon...the bringer of life and hope into this dark world.But hey! what is happening? why aren't my parents happy with me?Do i hear crying and lamenting? I don't understand?All of a sudden the atmosphere in the house is morose and sad.Is it because something i had done?i can hear grand ma raving about and my father having an equally loud say in the matter.the joyful celebrations that i had brought had disappeared.The day of the start of my adventure drew bright and clear.i was driven to a state of the art hospital and a clever doctor helped me out into this world after a short operation.As soon as i entered the world i heard a loud shriek  from the man holding me and i was drenched in some sort of gooey liquid.the doctor had retched right on me.I gasped for breath and if not for the kind nurse ,who took me up and washed me,I would surely have been dead.as i was finally put into rest by my mother it finally dawned on me i was black and ugly all the thing any normal couple would detest in a child..even my mother refused to feed me and left me be.I bawled out in hunger and fear but all in vain.A month passed in pain and agony and the day of my homecoming finally arrived..but where were those cheers and care i was waiting for?Five blank faces met me at the door and not a word was said.the first word grandma uttered as i entered was a curse.Was i really such an outcast even before i started my life?

The same pain and torture followed me for months at my home..the place which was THE place for love and care turned out to be a living hell for me.Was there no one with a little pity inside for a poor helpless girl?some one who will feed her and care for her."SHUT UP" was the only word my grandma shouted when ever i cried out aloud.."Don't think we will wait on you hand and foot",yes i was to small to understand these words but it became clear that no one wanted to care for me.i was an outcast and unwanted thing forced into their life and they would breath a sigh of relief if i died.Though i was just a month old my father tortured and beat me often.He would have no pity to my cries and beat me black and blue.it was his only way of venting his anger at being denied a son.i knew i could be as good even better than any son but they never listened.My sisters were the worst of the lot...they had completely forgotten that they were once little girls..and they treated me with utter contempt slapping and pinching me at the tiniest chance available,eager to please mom and dad that they too shared their opinions.And my mother,the one who is supposed to love her child unconditionally be it a female and be it ugly,she ...was not a mother at all,she felt like an alien from outer space who had found a human it detested and was now bent upon inflicting pain on it.I loved her with all my heart and she hated me for it.i really wished that i could just leave this world and go away.

I couldn't express my wishes in words but the wish for death was powerful enough to reach god's ears and he set about fulfilling my wishes.One night as i lay alone waiting for my mother..i heard soft footsteps approaching my room..in came grandma clutching a pillow in the crook of her arm.She quietly approached my bed and in a swift motion clamped the pillow straight on my head.My frail heart beat about in frenzy and my small lungs wheezed about for air.But i was too small too frail to stop the act.My body shuddered for one last time and i died ending my short tortured life on earth.

Darkness surrounded me everywhere,i was lost,did not know where to go.Just at that moment a hand came down and held me in a firm but loving grasp.I followed the stranger out to bright sunshine..i was in a park full of happy children ,as 'BEAUTIFUL' as me,playing with each other.and at the far end there sat an old man surrounded by children on all sides,as i approached him he burst out laughing..the laugh was wonderful,it filled me with joy and happiness.i knew i was finally among people whom i loved and who loved me back,I was with people who will care for me far more than humans with their fake smile and wooden hearts!!FINALLY I WAS AT HOME WITH MY LOVING FATHER - THE GOD ALMIGHTY.

My views on the theme of Bosco XpreZns 011 - DO IT-LEARN IT-LIVE IT

Life cannot find its perfect self fulfillment till it opens to the greater reality of existence.Knowledge,work and love become the keynote of our whole being for that is the direct means for our soul to rise to its highest intensities.When we open the window of our mind and our thirst to know the unknown,break all barriers it is then we seek.Our quest makes us curious,we become fascinated and 'LEARNING'like the fresh morning sunbeams streams in through the open casement of our mind,to kindle the lamp of knowledge.Knowledge opens an insight,it develops a  sense of perception in us and through these it speaks of 'ACTIONS',actions towards our society,our country,our fellowmen.Actions that awaken us,make us fearless in the way of uplifting manliness,that makes us shun superstitions,narrow divisions of inequality and with an undaunted sprit and indomitable courage make us do what is needed and what should be done.Thereafter let us make our room a larger,inner space where the needs and the desires of our fellow human beings would be of equal importance as ours and make it a dwelling place of peace and love.Acquired knowledge through learning leads to benevolent activities and we live a life worth living.Though the vastness of knowledge is like the oceans beyond our grasp yet by knowing just a wee bit we feel that we know a great deal-so dear let us think that what we know is but a fistful-what we do not is the entire universe.
Let us be aware of it,for awareness increases the desire to know.let our knowledge dominate our actions that would wipe out all irrationality and drive out our pervading fear and limitations so that it would make us live as an 'I FOR THE OTHER' ---
                                                         "The liberated individual being,
                                                           becomes his natural being,
                                                           a self perfecting instrument
                                                           for the perfect out flowering
                                                           of the divine in Humanity"